Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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