I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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