if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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