Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
