I smell stomach acid.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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