I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
