I accidentally had phone sex last night
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
