I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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