i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
