Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize