my phone needs a breathalizer
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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