everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
