ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
