It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
