...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
