Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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