And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
