So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
