the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
