Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
