I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize