It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
