I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
