hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
