no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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