So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
