i love accidental penises.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
