I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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