He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
