I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
