I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
