I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
