no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
