i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
