I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
