I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
