My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i've created a new STD.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
