how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
