my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
