I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
