I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
