don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
