um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
