We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So much rum. So many feels.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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