I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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