Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
