drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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