im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
