It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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