A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
