I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
