There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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