I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
