we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
