my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
