maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
