five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
