Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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