Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize