Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
