Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
