Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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