i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
