no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
