just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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