i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
