i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
