But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
