He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
